On a wheeled horse I ride. i.am.rollerman

New Format, Same Old Crap

In Family, Life on November 4, 2010 at 12:46 am
NYS Gov-elect Andrew Cuomo’s new ladyfriend looks like Mandy Pepperidge from “Animal House.” Cuomo claims not to be an “Albany Insider,” so does that make him a…wait for itwait for it.

Thought I’d mix things up a bit this week.   Instead of a well crafted single topic posting, I thought I’d opt for  “poop-ettes”instead of a single subject stool. (I know, I had you at “stool“)

Note for the readers of this blog,  this is an interactive forum.  Laugh out loud, and LEAVE A COMMENT on the thing that made you launch.   Object to something, LEAVE A COMMENT.    This is a hard gig, it’s like playing to a room of one-armed people. Do they want to clap and just can’t?, or do I really suck.   LEAVE A COMMENT!

Mystery Solved: After 30+ years I finally realized that I was “mis-informed.”   Watching the Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert rally on DC, they had Cat Stevens playing.   For so many years I thought the song was “Ride on the Pizza Train.” True, an unusual vehicle to deliver pizzas, I thought he might have been c0-sponsored by Pizza Hut and AmTrak.

In the “Shut Your Pie Hole” department

Brett Favre, please shut up.   New additions: Brad Childress, coach of the Minnesota Vikings,  Randy Moss, temporary team-mate of the pant filled one.

Any sports announcer extolling Brett or his streak: case in point  Troy Aikman.   I remember Aikman getting hit in the head too many times which forced his retirement, perhaps proof that too many concussions do cause brain damage.

Good Old Boys “..drink whiskey and rye and sing about this will be the day that I die…?, not f*ck around on their Wives

In the “I Didn’t Realize I had so many Friends” Department

I’m the kid with the full keg again and everyone wants to be my friend.   “This is George Pataki calling…”  “This is former NYC Mayor Rudy G calling…”  This is “still Dead President Reagan calling”   I’m suddenly the guy on everyone’s short list to call.  Funny, that phone wasn’t ringing today.

Please, ” Put Carl Paladino back in My Pants” department

NYS candidate for Gov, and dead twin for my (rhymes with “wrote’em”), with all its characteristics and hue.  If you look like a “wrote’em” you need an image makeover.   I felt the message, but I also felt the urge to scratch.  Harry Reid not too far down that list either.

Did He Just Say That?

Andrew Cuomo denies he’s an Albany-insider.  His Father was NYS governor for three consecutive terms.  Was Andrew kept in an idling car on the Quebec border for those 12 years?  Please…   One positive:  His girlfriend reminds of “Mandy Pepperidge” from Animal House.

I Know Why the call it the Blackberry Storm

Cause the thing makes me stormin mad!  I don’t use it as a phone, rather a glorified MP3 player and camera.   I can finally say what most men wish they could “yes, I’m hung…or at least my Blackberry Storm is.” It’s got one more week before I switch back to my circa 2002 Sansa “Hung like a flea” E200.

Attention Family Members

I know that all of you think you know more than me, but quicker than I can say “I was never NOT on the Dean’s List” listen up anyhow:   The answer is not always to “crank up that thermostat.”

Try the following first:

Closing the door keeps the cold out. Not placing a laundry basket on a heating vent lets the warm air in.

Try a sweatshirt first, you only have 15 on your bedroom floor.  Don’t insulate your floor, insulate your body.

If I’m cold, that is different.  I am a SCI living cadaver, we don’t have the ability to regulate our body heat like you do.

Given that, I pay the heating bill so I should choose when I want to piss my money away.  Don’t like it?  Buy another sweatshirt to insulate your floor with.

Want more? LEAVE A COMMENT

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  1. You still crack me up Jeff…Pizza Train? Unreal. – You do know, don’t you that Cuomo’s girlfriend who looks like Mandy Pepperidge is really Sandra Lee from the Food Network and her past reads like a cheap paperback? I haven’t quite figured out exactly who or what Carl Paladino reminds me of but he definitely does need a makeover and if body temperature was a way to identify family members, we’d be related! I’m the one who turns the thermostat down when the infamous “Not me” answers to “who turned up the thermostat?”

    • Jean, Jean…roses are red, but you look ashen. Sara Lee…it figures “Who doesn’t like Sara Lee?” So are you saying that Andrew is a pound cake insider?

  2. Paladino needing an image make-over? There’s a definate yes to that! Doesn’t matter what the message, if it doesn’t look good you never said it. Cuomo not being an insider to Albany politics? Pplleeazee! He’s been trained in what not to say or how much to say to make anyone look bad- even those needing an image make-over or not. Question is, what did you vote for? image, knowledge, or presentation?
    As for the heating bill, plenty of clothes about. I heat the downstairs for my 78yr. old pop, not for those under 20 who have no idea what a gas bill is. When they’re upstairs it’s either more clothes or go to bed where all those down comforters are! Move around, get exercise, and create your own warmth!
    Jeff, I still think you could write a book. As a person who reads more than the majority of people, I see talent there.

    • Laura,

      Thank you for the kind words and reconfirming my conclusions…I wish we talked more (or at all) when we stood only ten feet from each other….but Laura, you smell like fish! (Man, I DO write my own stuff!) For those who don’t know Laura, she owns the SEA DELI, and thus does not smell like pork.

      Speakin’ of writin my own stuff. I feel a book in there as well. The one that continues to get in the way of it is my need to work ten hours a day, so I must continue to write in “poop-ettes” since I don’t have the time to push out the big one.

      Don’t you just love my maturity level? THAT’S why my Wife has never read this blog. Perhaps if I call it “Doctor Phil’s Blog.”????

  3. The first question is: Why does anyone in this world give a rat’s ass about anything a professional sports player says or does?

    The second question is: If Palidino were to get a make over, would it include sewing his mouth shut?

    • I wish someone would scratch me on the ass. More so, I’d like to feel it too.

    • RE: The first question is: Why does anyone in this world give a rat’s ass about anything a professional sports player says or does?
      Answer: Probably the very same reason why a grown man would follow a Canadian Music Trio, who’s songs all sound alike.

      RE: The second question is: If Palidino were to get a make over, would it include sewing his mouth shut?
      Answer: Seems like someone’s been listening to their own Public Enemy album “Fight The Power.”

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